Processing

Processing

Processing (verb)
perform a series of mechanical or chemical operations on (something) in order to change or preserve it.

May has been a time of processing for me. I turned 50, and in April had “officially” been living with multiple sclerosis for 10 years.

Turning 50, while a milestone for sure, don’t really feel any different from 47, 48, or 49. Where it did feel different was to see my name written in front of it. As in join us for Name’s 50th birthday party. Wow!

For my 40th birthday I got MS, so I knew 50 had to be better, and so far the last two weeks have been great. I celebrated for about 10 days, although not necessarily on purpose.

Ten years ago when I was diagnosed, my neurologist told me there would come a day when the MS didn’t seem so big, and that other things would take its place. But given how sick I was in the year after my diagnosis, I couldn’t see a time where he could be correct.

The days around my birthday were filled with music, museums, personal training & Pilates sessions, dinner with my BFF, and a party with people I love, including my parents who are still very active and aim to be here for a long time (oh and I even managed to fit in work as well). And while I was tired, like anyone would be, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for all of the good wishes and people who went out of their way to celebrate with me.

I feel lucky that a combination of working from home, regular exercise, CBD/THC, disease modifying drug, and a full life, has helped to keep the MS at bay (no relapses for 2.5 years). And while people are surprised to hear I have little symptoms every day (but you look so good), if this is as bad as it gets, life will continue to be good.

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Birthday

birthday_balloons

Birthday (noun)
the anniversary of the day on which a person was born, typically treated as an occasion for celebration and the giving of gifts

On the eve of the close of another trip around the sun, I can’t help but reflect on the year gone by. Why is it as I finally get used to saying the previous number, the next number is jamming itself up against my face?

Staring at the last year of my 40s is so incredibly odd. It’s almost as if I wish I were turning 50 to get it over with already. At least then you get an AARP card and loads of discount. Forty-nine feels a little like Florida, or god’s waiting room as my people call it.

I find it interesting when people talk about the date of their diagnosis as being a rebirth of sorts. I still believe in celebrating the day I was born, but my diagnosis day is more about showing a big middle finger to MS and saying you ain’t takin’ me down.

So as I reflect on another trip around the sun, I look back on the good, learn from the challenges to inform the future, and embrace this messy, crazy adventure called life.

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Anniversary

1 Year

Anniversary (noun)
the annual recurrence of a date marking a notable event

April 15 is an anniversary and birthday. It’s been nine years since my multiple sclerosis diagnosis, and a year since this blog was launched.

Nine years since diagnosis and that means almost TEN years since symptom onset. Some days seems like it was a lifetime ago and others, just yesterday.

I was talking to someone a few days ago and I realized it’s hard to even remember a time before MS, before the tingling, before the numbness, before the fear. BUT because there are so many more good days now, those too often fade into a blurry haze of the past.

Last year someone said to me “you just don’t have time for a flare-up this year” and I proceeded to walk around with that in my head EVERY day. And I didn’t have a flare-up. Now I’m not a big woo person, but I guess sometimes the power of suggestion is very powerful. What also REALLY helped was our cold, long winter. It made me EXTREMELY happy and healthy. Ideally I would love to never have spring and summer and live somewhere that it’s cold or cool all year round. And then I remember I’m 110% a NY girl.

I want to thank family, friends, and strangers who support me and have embraced this blog. I love seeing where the readers come from, near and far. I hope that one day in my lifetime this blog won’t be needed, but until it is, thank you, thank you, thank you for looking.

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